Who Am I When I am Not Performing For The People Inside My Mind?

I do not perform for others in my mind. I perform for the young girl who wondered what type of woman we would grow into & I perform for the old woman I will become, who I hope is content with the decisions I am making for us. 

When I let go of those two versions of myself & perform only for the woman I am right now, I think I would become selfish. I would act purely on impulse. I would choose what feels good in the moment without considering what it might mean for the girl I was or the woman I am becoming. 

I don't like being told what to do. Not because I think my way is better - 98% of the time, it probably isn't; But, because it is my way to find. My mistakes to make. My lessons to learn. Mine alone. 

There is something important to me about knowing that I chose my own path, even when I choose wrong. I would rather make a mistake that taught me something than live perfectly according to someone else's instructions. 

Maybe that is who I am when I am not preforming for anyone: someone who is still preforming, just not for an audience. 

I am trying to live in a way that makes the little girl proud, gives the woman I am today room to breathe, & leaves the old woman with a life she doesn't wish she did differently. 

Who are you when you are not performing for the people in your mind?