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"Dear Abby,
I’ve been having some problems with my dad’s best friend. Keep in mind I’m an adult but my father’s friend is still old enough to be my dad, maybe even my grandfather if he was a young parent. Anyway, he’s been coming over more often and at first I thought it was because they were gay. But one night after my dad had passed out drunk in his room, while his friend was asleep on the couch. I came into the room to clean up some beer cans and cover his friend up. The friend grabbed my arm as I was walking away and said “I’d do anything to be with you” at first I thought it was just drunk rambling. But honestly I’m rather sexually attracted to him and there’s been some odd tension between us ever since. What should I do Abby? - Anonymous"
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Dear Anonymous,
.
First Let's clear the air - having a sudden burst of sexual attraction or feeling that electric tensions doesn't make you crazy. Dynamics change quickly once someone crosses a boundary, & alcohol has a funny way of throwing gasoline on a spark you might not even known was there.
That being said, you need to take a step back & look at the entire picture, before you make a choice you CANNOT undo.
He made his pass at you late at night, under the influence, while his best friend - your dad - was passed out drunk in the other room. It's not really a romantic meet-que; it's a sloppy high stake situation. A man old enough to be your father or your grandfather knows the weight of crossing that line, especially in your fathers own home.
If you pursue this, your dad isn't just an innocent bystander. How would your dad feel if his best friend & his child started sleeping with each other? Is this attraction worth potentially blowing up your father's friendship, creating massive family drama, or forcing everyone into a deeply uncomfortable dynamic?
Tenison can be thrilling simply because it is taboo & off limit; But the moment you act upon it, the taboo thrill evaporates, & you are left with the real world messy consequences. You need to ask yourself "Am I really interested in him or if you are just caught up in the drama & intensity of the moment?"
My advice would be to let the dust settle. DO NOT initiate anything, & DO NOT put yourself in a situation where you're alone with him late at night, especially if alcohol is involved. If the tension is genuinely mutual & persistent when both of you are completely sober, you need to ask yourself if you're prepared for the inevitable drama that will follow with your father is your proceed & take a step forward.
If the answer is no, keep it as a fantasy, let the awkwardness fade, & find someone who doesn't come with a house full of landmines attached.
XoXo,
Abby
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